Dear Fanfiction Writers: Twilight
by Spastic-Kitty
Summary: What the characters of Twilight think of some clichés/stories authors write for the fandom.  Drabbles and canon.
1. Sincerely Chief Charlie Swan

**A/n: Got this idea from (the author) H o r i z o n s. If any of you are wondering; she writes _Harry Potter _fic and I like her story _Dear fanfiction writers, _and I PMed asking if I could _Twilight_-ify her idea, and she agreed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

If you didn't _know_ already: I'm police chief. I wouldn't do _that _to Bella. Sure, I don't like her boyfriend/fiancé/husband/vampire, but that's no reason to go all crazy drunken Dad on her. Did I spell it out for you enough? Good.

Sincerely,

Chief Charlie Swan

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**A/n: First chapter. Cliché number one. (I.e. Edward leaves, and Charlie starts hitting Bella, Edward comes back and notices and goes more over-protective than he needs to be.) Review! And I'm Team Charlie.**


	2. Sincerely Jane

**A/n: Two reviews already. Happy me. ****Alimor-Chan wanted a Volturi chapter and I have nothing better to do so, here goes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I would never love (or be "imprinted" by) a stupid, moronic dog (namely Paul Whatever-his-last-name-is). Plus: it doesn't work that way, you know vampires and werewolves/shape-shifters don't hook up.

Sincerely,

Jane

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**A/n: Cliché number two.**


	3. Sincerely Cedward

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. Here is a chapter dedicated to H o r i z o n s featuring Cedric Diggory.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I am not Cedric Diggory. Cedric Diggory is not Edward Cullen. Do you understand this? And stop pairing my daughter with a Hufflepuff who looks like her father; I am not happy about it but she was imprinted upon by my wife's best friend. And on this note, Cedric Diggory is not the Boy-Who-Now-Sparkles that is Robbert Pattinson.

Sincerely,

Edward Cullen and Cedric Diggory

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**A/n: Cliché number three. Don't forget to review.**


	4. Sincerely Angela Webber

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I am not turned on by Jasper.

Sincerely,

Angela Webber

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**A/n: Cliché number four. Don't forget to review.**


	5. Sincerely Jacob's pack

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. Twelve of 'em! In four days!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

Stop making Blackwater. Jacob and Leah equals bad. Jacob and Seth equals even worse.

Sincerely,

Jacob's pack (aka Jacob, Leah, and Seth).

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**A/n: Cliché number five. Don't forget to review. I have a challenge: write a review saying how much you love the song "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance (I dare you to listen to it), longest review get a preview for my one-shot for Fandom4SAA. This is the link for the banner for this story: http:/s1090. photobucket. com/albums/i371/iheartchucks2/?action=view¤t;= (remove spaces).**


	6. Sincerely Bella Swan

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. Also, if you alert review too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

Read the books guys. I never got pregnant in September of 2005.

Sincerely,

Bella Swan

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**A/n: Cliché number six. Don't forget to review. This is the link for the banner for this story: http:/s1090. photobucket. com/albums/i371/iheartchucks2/?action=view¤t= (remove spaces).**


	7. Sincerely Paul

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. Also, if you alert review too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I already imprinted, get over it.

Sincerely,

Paul

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**A/n: Cliché number seven. And peeps, I started a(nother) new one-shot; here's a preview:**

_Shot, downing another one. Everything blurs. Flashback: Edward, ex-boyfriend/sex-god, "I don't want you Bella." Bella's breathing hitches, "What? I'm not good enough for you?" He doesn't say anything, he walks away. I look around, he isn't there. I don't follow him, I'm not that desperate. _

**Bella's independent and a drunk! Thoughts?**


	8. Sincerely Alice

**A/n: Thanks for the 30th review anonymous reviewer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

Sorry, I'd hate to say it, but Cynthia never got turned into a vampire. Or found me. She died. Everybody does. At least everybody who's normal.

Sincerely,

Alice

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**A/n: Cliché number eight. Alice isn't her usual bubbly self, so OCC. Thinking of making a Cynthia one-shot.**


	9. Sincerely Edward Cullen

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews. **_Thanks for the memories/even though they weren't so great/"He tastes like you only sweeter" _**Sorry, random Fall Out Boy moment. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I am a one woman man. Stop making me a player, who has sex before marriage. Hello, have you met me? _*face plam moment* _I was 105 when I first had sex, so I wouldn't be **_easy _**in any universe. Also, stop making Tanya one of my _many_ girlfriends.

Sincerely,

Edward Cullen

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**A/n: Cliché number nine. I love reading these types of stories, but their is about a thousand of them out there. And isn't it a classic Edward reaction.**


	10. Sincerely Bella Straight Swan

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews. Sososo much. And people of the _Twilight_ fan-fiction verse: Do any of you have Tumblrs? I'd be happy to follow.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

Me and Alice aren't lesbians or fuck buddies. [Sarcastic] Sorry.

Sincerely,

Bella "Unbelievably Straight" Swan

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**A/n: Cliché number ten. I've tried reading Bellice, but I don't like them. To all the cool people with requests, hold off on them I'm trying to think of letters for them. This is the first one off my "list." Does anyone like Paramore, 'cause they only need five word to describe them (the band mates, not the music): Hayley's. Hair. Jeremy's. Beard. TaylorYorkisHOT. And sorry for my saying fuck buddies, but I think it sounds better than "sex friends."**


	11. Sincerely Aro

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews. Sososo much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I _want _Bella (and Alice). But let me be clear: I don't want to sex them. I have a wife and my only "snuggle buddy" is Jane.

Sincerely,

Aro

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**A/n: Cliché number eleven. Alimor-Chan how was it? Everybody else that goes for you too.**


	12. Sincerely Bella, not Blondie

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews. Sososo much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I can't dance or sing. And I'm not a Hannah Montana impersonator.

Sincerely,

Bella, not Blondie

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**A/n: Cliché number twelve.**


	13. Sincerely Jasper Whitlock also a Hale

**A/n: Thanks for the reviews. Sososo much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

Stop making me fall in love with Bella. I have a mate, if you don't know her name is Mary Alice Brandon Cullen _Hale. _Have you noticed you always do this after I almost _eat_ Bella (I would say attack, but that would give you wrong ideas).

Sincerely,

Jasper Whitlock [also a] Hale

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**A/n: Cliché number thirteen. Good?**


	14. Sincerely Emmett

**A/n: Sorry.**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

I'm not obsessed with Harry Potter.

Sincerely,

Emmett

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**A/n: *Looking at whoever wrote _The Crazy Cullens_***

**P.S. Sorry for the crappiness. Half of my mouth is numb... and ideas are not flowing.**


	15. Sincerely Ana, obsessed fangirl

**A/n: Not Twilight... oh, well.**

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Dear readers,

Kristen Stewart is fucking hot. And kickass. And a good actress (even though she's a whore-or a junkie-in movies).

Sincerely,

Ana, an obsessed fan-girl

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**A/n: Opinion.**


	16. Sincerely Ana, aka iHeartChucks

**A/n: Not Twilight... oh, well.**

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Dear Listen Lovely,

Like you didn't know. Sex on legs.

Sincerely,

Ana (aka iHeartChucks)

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**A/n: Reply.**


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